I feel sick

I feel sick, in more ways than one.

I woke up today and I just felt awful. I don't know where it came from, my head was hurting, my nose was stuffy, i had a fever. It sucked...still sucks. I don't get it. I'm not supposed to get sick. I don't get sick. I should be in perfect health? What the hell is going on?

To top that off I get home and get a rejection letter from PSU. Except of course, they didn't actually reject me "we're sorry but the school you applied to is not accepting transfers, reapply with a different major or get the fuck out". Great. There goes one of the schools I actually wanted to go to gone. And they took so long to respond too. Fuck.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. Right now the one school I got into I can't go to because certain things are more important than school. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'll apply to more schools. Maybe I should just move to the west coast or something. I don't know.

I'm really just tired of never getting second chances with anything. It's like, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much of a conscious effort I make, I can never make up for the past with anything. No one is ever willing to give me another chance with anything.

And it's because this frustrates me so much that I am so willing to give people a second chance. People deserve it if they're truly sorry or truly changed. People make mistakes, some worse than others, but if an effort is made to redeem themselves, then I don't see why they should be denied a second chance.

I really wish I had someone to talk to right now...everyones busy today it seems....
I wish someone could give me an answer, but I know they can't.