Thoughts of the day

I know I haven't posted in a long time...partly because someone else managed to get the domain name for the longest time...but it just feel like one of those days I might as well post and say stuff since I don't really have anyone worthwile to talk to.

People suck anyway, everybody lies, and you really can't trust anyone anyway.
When you trust people you either just get burned or they go and die on you, so there's really no point in doing so.

Truthfully though...at this point I don't know what to do about a lot of things and it's driving me insane. (Not literally. And it pisses me off when people say that about me literally.) I feel lost and like the one person that really matters to me...isn't there for me. I don't blame her for it though, she's got her own life and she feels how she feels and I can't impose on her life, I can't blame her for that. I just wish I could call her and talk. 

Everything sorta feels surreal now, not sure when it started. I know this'll all end soon...just not sure how it should. Still need to figure that out.

I guess there's really not much else I feel like typing at this point. I'm going to sleep I guess. Bleh, it's annoying, thank god for sleeping pills. Damn bodys gettin used to them too I guess. Sucks.

Yeah, I know I'm awesome...

Friggen five year olds....

28

Oh my god, I'm never moving to France

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/5753.php

Wow, tell me how much that sucks for them...I can't imagine life without my ridiculous amounts of unhealthy caffeine that i'm addicted to...

No, I don't have a problem....shut up...

Okay, so I thought about some things last night after talking to a couple of people.

Today I'll be heading to school to try to attempt to get myself back into the classes I withdrew from. I don't know how well that'll go, but as I was once told by someone, I can talk my way into or out of anything, so maybe I can get back in with some tongue twisting. (No, not that kind of tongue twisting you sick one track minded people...)

I still have no idea about a lot of things. I don't know what I want to do. And to be honest, if it was just myself I had to worry about, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I know I thought about doing marketing or something similar for a while, but that's just not my seen. I need something where I actually feel like I'm doing something productive, where I'm making a difference. Not something just for money.

But money is a problem for a lot of reasons. I'm a very non materialistic person. Sure I like buying things to a degree, but overall, money and material things aren't very high on my list and I appreciate other things a lot more. But something that really complicates things and worries me is that whatever profession I wind up going into, I won't be making bunches of money most likely. No, I'm not worried for myself, I'm worried because I don't think I'm going to be making the kind of money to afford the things she deserves in life. In whatever I go into, I just don't think I'm going to be able to afford to give her everything she deserves. Thinking about it makes me sad and worried and question what I should do so I can afford the things she deserves...and it just complicates things more.

Let alone I still need to figure out something to do about the distance eventually which is something else that complicates my life. No, I'm not rushing things, or pressuring things, or pushing anything. It's just eventually I'm going to have to move across country if I even want there to be a minuscule chance, probably sooner rather than later as time is running out because I need to move out come the summer.

Off to watch TV for a little bit now. Be back later.

Today was a very strange day.
I'm not even sure why it was so strange...The day just felt very off...I felt off.

However I was watching CSI before and did make a realization about something...
I did make $100 today which was woohoo at least.

Worst day. Ever.

So yeah, I've pretty much come to realize there are only three reasons I post on this thing:

1) Because something's on my mind and I have no one to say it to.
2) Because I'm posting to get the attention of one of the fifteen or so of you who actually read this.
or 3) Because I get bored out of my mind and need to procrastinate doing this terrible thing called homework or this even worse thing called paperwork.

10:01 and this night is gone. I spent it ill while the world moves on.

I wanna sleep but there are nightmares when I try =/.

The cost of textbooks is wayyyyyyyyyy overpriced. It's ridiculous. It's absurd. It's preposterous.

I can't believe I spent over 500$ on textbooks today. I know it happens every semester, but ever semester I'm amazed at how overpriced they are.

AND I BUY USED!!

I guess I should be thankful...when I was at that other school this fall, I would have wound up paying 700$ for books...

-sigh- Why do things need to be so expensive?

I seriously can't believe I just dragged myself out of bed for this...
Ugh...

Thank god I have hot pockets and wired though...

I really need to stop eating stuff just because it's around...
I'm sure this is how people wind up getting fat...
I swear it's the drugs...

I don't know what made today so different than any of these past days these past few weeks...
It was just worse for some reason...
I had to do something, so I took a second one...thought it would help...we'll see...

I don't think it was such a bad thing to do...=/

Whisper in the yard and turn the trees all into toys
Lay there on the ground, and turn the dirt into your joy

From what I see, and what I know, it's all been boring lately
So I suggest we trade a question mark, in for a maybe

Time your riddles right, and make a point that has no sense
Make sure that you're smiling, and the money's been well spent

Innocence and ignorance, it all goes hand in hand
I'm not sure that I'm right, but I hope you'll understand

I hope that you're still searching, for the start that has no end
And all the plastic people, have now become your friends

Before you start to drift, and your soul begins to scream
I just wanted to tell you that you're listening to a dream

My feet are itchy for some reason right now...just felt the need to share that.

It wasn't about you. It had nothing to do with you.

I have someone in my life now, that I love. It's not what you and I had, it's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him, I know him.

That's great, it's nice. You moved on, I can't; You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the only person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way.

The faith perspective

How are things today?

Everything's five by five.

I can see it your eyes you're hurting
But pain is part of learning who you are
All these truths can sometimes be deceiving
When your whole world comes crashing to the ground

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall
When you come undone

You know I can't be like everybody
Cause I can't tell you what you want to hear
I don't know if I can make it better
All I know is I will be around
When all your hope has left you know you're not alone

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall

Yellow cake. Yep. I said it.

I don't get it...
When did material things stop making me happy?
I got two shiny new toys today...and they're great and all, but they just make me feel...nothing at all.

I wish i could go back to being greedy and materialistic like I used to be. Things were so much simpler and easier.

Life was simpler, love was simpler...I was simpler.

I hate people who are fake. i can't stand dealing with putting on a face and saying and acting things that aren't true. I can't stand when people ask things just to do it and don't really care to hear the answer.

Don't ask me how I am if you don't want to know. You ask how I am, and I tell you and it's not what you want to hear and you get mad at me. What am i supposed to do? I'm not going to lie.

i've been depressed lately, everyones seen it. and if you don't want to see that, it's fine. just don't ask how i am if you don't care, i don't want to deal with the fake formalities if you ask and i tell you it's just wrong of you to get mad at me for telling you.

I don't give a damn about your conscience either if that's why you ask, just leave me the hell alone.

Great, now you all know i'm depressed, not like you didn't know already. You all know that everyday i don't want to get out of bed because there's nothing to get out of bed for, that i wish i could just get some relief from feeling like i've been feeling, that it would all just go the fuck away.

i don't care where this puts my standing with anyone. if you're really my friend you'll still be my friend. if you're not then i don't care if i never talk to you again.

I haven't posted anything in a while because I've been keeping myself busy not giving myself much chance to think about things, hence the lack of time and ideas for stuff to post. I guess I'll try and post something tomorrow, not sure what though...hmm...


Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell