I don't know about anyone else, but I really love when it rains at night like last night. It's fun to go out in and there's just something peaceful about it. It's also just great falling asleep as the rain is pouring down outside, just like last night. There's only one thing that would make that better.

I stopped talking when I was six years old. I didn't want anything more to do with the outside world, I was happy being quiet. But of course they wouldn't leave me alone. My parents tried every trick in the book, from speech therapists to child psychologists. They even tried bribery...I could have anything, as long as I said it out loud. Of course that episode didn't last forever. I'd made my point and it was time to move on. To peel away the next layer of deceit and see what new surprises lay in store. My school report said I showed no interest. A disruptive influence. I felt sorry for them in a way. And when they finally expelled me, it didn't mean a thing.
The November when I came home, the Christmas decorations were already up...spray on snow, colored flashing lights and an artificial tree that played silent night over and over again. My parents welcomed me with loving arms, but within an hour we were back at each others throats.
Normal, happy childhood back on course, batteries not included.

I don't think anyone really ever wants to die. I think when people want to die, they really just want things to change, but they don't see a way to get them to change. So they take the only other option they see, death. It's very sad that life gets like that.

For the past two years I've really started to hate holidays. There's just something about them that makes me feel sad. Well...more sad. Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween particularly, each for their own different, but similar reasons.

I mean, I never really liked the family get together crap, but especially since my grandmother died I can't stand it, it seems pointless, and I refuse to be fake about it like everyone else.

But no, that's not really the reason I don't like the holidays.
Until today I hadn't even realized how sickening a lot of the Christmas songs were.

Red and green, red and green, wonder what it really means...

Story time

So I was talking to one of my teachers, and apparently she was dog sitting one day. She showed up to the house on the first day, finds the dog dead on the floor, right? So she's got to take the dogs corpse to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever. So she goes looking for something to pack the corpse in, only she can't find anything, so she finally just stuffs it in a freaking suitcase. She doesn't have a car, so she had to take the subway to get around through NY to the vet. So this guy sees her struggling to carry the suitcase at the subway station, so he offers to help her. Then he asks her something like "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?". She tells him "it's just some computer things". Next thing you know BAM, the guy PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE, and runs off with the suitcase...

So my question is, where exactly is the guy going to pawn a dead dog?

I'm really getting kinda tired of waking up disappointed everyday that my dream wasn't real. It was so vivid and it felt so realistic...I could have sworn we were in my backyard. I should really have known better though, she would never be that interested in me, hell, she'll never even talk to me again probably.

Flies

So apparently you should be careful what you wish for because the past couple of days there have been a large amount of flies appearing in my house. Unfortunately it's not quite as epic as one would hope since these are just your normal average flies and not the kind that can rip a platypus in half. Oh well. Can't seem to figure out why they're here or where they're coming from. Very strange...

Dreams

"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"

"I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake."

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time."

“There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?

“She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter.”

"Dreams are only thoughts you didn't have time to think about during the day. "

"The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep! perchance to dream"

Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying at all...Pointless.

Ow

So yesterday, after finding myself saying "ow" 'cause of my back hurting, I got to wondering where the word comes from and why people say it.

I mean, people now just assume that you say Ow when you're in pain, it's just the norm. But really why do we do it? I really don't think it's natural instinct to say it. My idea is that we're all raised seeing that it's what's said when you're in pain, so we just start doing it ourselves and following by the example set for us.

Sadly, my google-fu isn't good enough to find a more substantial answer to this other than my theories.

It makes me wonder though...I think when I have a kid, instead of saying "ow" when something hurts, I'll start saying the word elephant. Then I can see if the kid says elephant for the rest of their life when they get hurt...

Global warming doesn't exist my ass...

All I know is, it hasn't been this cold here for this long with this much ice ever before. It's been like freaking ice skating everyday everywhere everyway.

So I got in an argument with one of my friends today, after which she called me a jackass, but that's not the point...

The point is what we were arguing about. See, we were talking about how I don't ever study or do homework and seldom go to class. Now her argument was that it's just 'cause I'm lazy. I disagree and here's why.

See, the way I see it, a lot of it is my past teachers and classes fault for the reason I am the way I am with schoolwork. If I hadn't been able to get A's and B's without studying or doing homework for years and years and years, I wouldn't be conditioned to it. Even now in college, I've literally had to try about never to do well in classes.

It has nothing to do with lazyness. Obviously a person is not going to study if they've never needed to and always gotten A's. Eventually if it changes where there's a class that they do need to study for, it'll be a shock to them, and either they'll change, or they might continue to not study until several more shocks break them out of their conditioning.

This is basic psychology stuff, and psychology isn't completely bullshit regardless of what you say.

I miss waking up to your green eyes and freckles and knowing everything's okay =/

[edit: I don't even remember posting this last night...I think I might have done it after waking up from a dream about a giant fly attacking me surprisingly. Ah if only life could be that epic...I could really use a giant fly battle right about now...]

The Zoo

I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo and got mauled. So my friends and I were talking about it and how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage. One of my friends suggested some sort of deterrent, and I thought "yeah...they could do something like put some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in..."

It's me! Every girl ever!

[note: this isn't the story I was talking about]

-Knock knock-

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met, the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea has ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there...even though I don't have a bird. And there's my wicker basket with bamboo poles in it...I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it anyway.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Catholic church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!?!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's Freddy Paws Jr. Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen!

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papasan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so god damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box to take it home. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew were going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target in a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

I'm sorry for you....not.

Sometimes it seems to me that people feel sorry for other people they really shouldn't. What I mean is if it’s a persons fault they're in the situation they're in in the first place, why feel sorry for them? Generally speaking in these situations it's a direct result of the choices and decisions the persons made. If the person would make a different set of choices, they could almost always have avoided the situation.

Now I know sometimes it's not a persons fault, and there's absolutely nothing they could do about what happened (ie. death of someone). But going back and looking at most things, most situations myself and others have been in, the scenarios are heavily influenced by the decisions we've made.

So, to conclude, don’t feel sorry for someone if the situation creating the feeling of sorrow is the effect of their stupid choices, especially if that someone is unwilling to rectify the situation with better choices. Hell, that's one of the reasons I can't stand people feeling sorry for me. I make my own stupid choices and stand by some of them, I have no one to blame but myself, so there's no reason to feel sorry for me. Just my two cents.


Anyway, on a separate note, I'll be posting a story I started today soon so keep an eye for it. It's mostly a metaphorical story about certain events so far so we'll see how it goes.

30 days and counting...

And thus the grand countdown to the big move begins. 30 days left. A month basically, and it's going to go very slowly I bet as I wait for the hours to tick by...

I wonder how different the weather is up northwest in Washington right now...hmm...-goes and checks-
Hmm...it's 30 there, it's actually colder than it is here right now...guess that makes sense though since it's more north I suppose. I seem to remember it being generally warmer though for some reason...maybe it was just the off times I went before or something though.

Ah, but it's going to be such a relief moving there, I can't wait. Getting out of here, living someplace I like, getting away from people I can't stand, and nearer to people I won't possibly get annoyed at. Maybe certain things will also start falling into place when I get there. =)

Now I just need to figure out some way to pass the bloody time until then...

Welcome to NY

McDonalds

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drive through and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, "I'm sorry...you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with that anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure, the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but those were some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that before, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?" The girls says, "Well, I just think it's better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out."

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy's or Burger King and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drive through window. But there are some people who REALLY like McDonalds' Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe I'll eventually get some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until one day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drive through speaker and order the "Big Mac Combo" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"

The right to death

[note: to anyone who comes on this post in a suicidal state, I implore that you think about it for a significant amount of time before you act on it. And by significant I mean at least months. If you've made it this long you can last a few more months.]

su·i·cide (sōō'ĭ-sīd') n.
1. the intentional taking of one's own life.
2. a person who intentionally takes his or her own life.
3. the act of intentionally terminating one's own life

Suicide and assisted suicide are very controversial issues. Ones people aren't often comfortable to talk about or even listen about. The fact is, a great deal of people....most I'd probably say...are opposed to it.

First of all, I feel it should be noted that I hate the term "suicide victim". There is no victim in suicide. The person made a choice. Whether the choice was good or bad, right or wrong, is infinitely debatable, but the person made a choice. Now, barring the fact that they're mentally incapable of comprehending the choice (ie. they're mentally retarded), it was their choice to make and no one forced it on them, thus there was no victim. Anyway...

I personally share the viewpoint of the minority on the topic of suicide and there's a few reasons why which I'll get into in a moment. For now, let's look at the fact that there are a great many sites on the internet that deal with suicide. Most of these sites are aimed at "helping" people who are thinking about suicide, making them realize that there is more to life and that they shouldn't be "giving up" (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/). I actually applaud these sites and think they're great things for whoever might need them, regardless of if they seem less than effective in helping most people who think of suicide.

Then there's the opposite side of the spectrum, there are sites which assist in helping people to commit suicide (A Practical Guide to Suicide). These sites contain detailed information on how to commit suicide, which in turn probably makes it easier for certain people, which I don't think is a good thing. However if someone actually thinking about killing themselves took the time to fully read the above text, they'd notice a lot of logical thought processes being stated.

And this is wherein the trouble lies. Unfortunately, most suicides (as with most murders) are done in the fits of strong emotion. People generally don't put a lot of thought into it, and it is these types of suicides I'm against. It's also these types that are much less likely to go on the internet and read a website about suicide or call a suicide hotline. Mostly the people who do those are either putting a lot of thought into the matter, or insincere in their wanting to kill themselves and merely are looking for attention.

I agree, wholeheartedly that people who are in a severe emotional state should be prevented from committing suicide so that they have more time to think about it. I do think however, that this whole ideal of our society, that suicide no matter what is wrong, is ridiculous.

Let's look at it this way shall we. You may be against the death penalty, but many states do still use it. Now if the government has the right to kill you, how is it not fair then that you should have the right to kill yourself? I certainly think it's fair, and to be honest, I feel the right to death is an inalienable right that should be placed alongside the rights to life and liberty.

"Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early."

I think that when people try and put guilt on someone for thinking about suicide, by telling them how it's "wrong and weak" and will "hurt everyone" is selfish and plain despicable. Any person who tries and puts anymore emotional baggage on a person, who already clearly has enough of it if they're thinking of killing themselves, is being a complete dipshit, plain and simple. They fail to look at it from the suicidal persons perspective, see how to the suicidal person what you're telling him is hypocritical, as what you're asking of him (living with pain, be it physical or emotional) is what you're afraid to face yourself by letting him kill himself.

Assisted suicide is a little more tricky, only simply for the fact that if not careful, it can simply be used as a cover for murder. Doctor assisted suicide I also feel should be an option for people with serious medical problems.

I think suicide should actually be made easier for people who have seriously thought about suicide for a substantial amount of time and have reached a decision on killing themselves as well as for people who are suffering from serious medical conditions. Not necessarily easier to do, just a more humane way to do it. I feel that being able to get pills that quietly and easily kill you from a doctor would not be such a bad thing, and would help alleviate some of the families trauma of some gruesome deaths.

I know most people will disagree with my opinions I've stated, but I also know most people haven't thought about this subject as much as I have. I'll admit that I have thought about suicide more than once in the past, not all of them as clearheaded, well thought out or serious as I portray now. It's helped to give me a different perspective on the subject, and I'd only wish more people would open their minds and start thinking outside the box on this. As much as I love things to be a simple black vs. white, this isn't, it's a vast gray area with no clear cut answers.

Suicide is not necessarily a solution, but it remains an option people have a right to have.



"I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it. And boy do I love cake"

Like

"I'd like to have better grades. But when I like talk in class, I say a lot of things that like my teacher and my classmates don't find like very convincing. I don't want people to make fun of me, so I like don't go to class regularly anymore. I won't be able to finish college in like four years."

Every year more than a tenth of all college students in the US receive bad grades and are labeled as being moronic incompetent idiots because of their excessive use of the word "like".

Don't sound stupid, stop saying like.

Thoughts...

I've had a lot on my mind the past few days. The semester is winding down, not to mention other things.

I've got a 12 page term paper due Sunday...one I haven't even started. I don't even know what the bloody topic of it is supposed to be. I'll start tomorrow morning I guess, only have 'til Noon Sunday after all.

Then there's the group project due Wednesday. The one I couldn't stand seeing anyone else in the group screw up so I just said I'd do the entire thing myself. Yeah. Go me. Going to be a pain and a half getting it done, but at least I don't have to worry about idiots screwing it up.

Then there are finals of course. The soonest being econ Monday.

Signing up for classes has been mediocre as well, I need to wait to see if people drop classes now since I waited too long to sign up, since I pretty much was banking on transferring for spring, which I'm not.

And the last thing going through my mind is being worried about Shell and how she is. She's probably fine, but I can't help it. I haven't talked to her in a few days, and she just hasn't been doing well lately. I want to take her troubles away, I really wish I could, I wish she would let me, she deserves to be happy, deserves to see what a great person she is and deserves to be made to feel like it. I hate seeing her like that, so sad, so unhappy. I hope when she goes home it changes. But for now all I can do is just watch and sit on my hands until she lets me show I care, because honestly, I do care about her a lot, and I do think she's a great girl...I would love to make her realize it too.
Plus to top it off I'm still dead curious what the damn favor was. Bah, I shoulda checked my computer that night, I really hope it wasn't something time sensitive 'cause I'd feel like an ass then for not being there.

And ow, my hand.


Oh yeah, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful,
I'm having the time of my life.

Compatibility and Commitment

Relationships are a very very very very very very very very very very very complex thing.
Love itself in general is so complex that there are no real clear definitions of it, there are so many different kinds and each person has their own view on what love is to them.

The reason I'm posting about this is that someone argued the point with me that relationships weren't about being good enough for someone or anything like that, that relationships were simply about two things: Compatibility and commitment.

This is a valid argument on it's own I suppose, but it really doesn't capture the entirety of how relationships work, or why they work to me. Let's start out by looking at Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, shall we?

Okay, according to Sternberg there are three fundamental components of love: Intimacy , Commitment, and Passion.

Oh look at that! Imagine that! Commitment is one of them isn't it? But there doesn't seem to be a "Compatibility" part does there? Actually, technically speaking, there is...it's just broken down into the two other parts essentially being separated into the physical (passion) and the emotional (intimacy).

Now if you buy into this idea that love can be broken down so simply, this is clearly one of the best ways to do it. Looking at the figure, you can see that depending on what components of love a relationship has will result in a different "kind" of love. I don't really need to go into detail explaining these because they're pretty self explanatory from their names and characteristics.


So wait, aren't I trying to argue against the point that love and relationships can't be broken down that simply? Yeah I am, but in all fairness I thought it best to present both sides of the argument, you can make your own decision, I'm not trying to persuade anybody to follow my mindset.

Now to me, it's just not that simple. One of the most striking qualities of love is its delirious irrationality. We describe love as sickness, madness, or a fever. We call the person we love a goddess, a treasure, a person of unimaginable beauty and virtue. These irrational ideals are just
that, irrational ideals. So why do have them? Simply put, it feels good doesn't it?
To fall for someone that hard, it's just a nice feeling and in the end these irrational thoughts and
feelings could wind up enhancing commitment to someone you love.

The question then though becomes, can "true" love occur without it, without that passion and that high praise for that other person?
In my opinion, no it can't. Plainly stated, if that feelings not there, if that certain spark isn't there, a person is just settling for the relationship.

Now I'm not saying settling in a relationship is bad. There are many people who have settled and live happy lives. However, for myself I at least know I could never simply "settle", then again, that's my entire mindset for my whole life, I'm not content to settle in any aspect of my life. I want to get what I want to get and that's that.

Anyway, let's go to the point of commitment. Why do peoples commitments to one another wane? Why don't they continually stay faithful to one another or simply stay together with the first person they fall for indefinitely? To explain this, I present to you, the investment model of interpersonal relationships.

A persons commitment to a relationship depends on the rewards, alternatives available and investment. Rewards are anything specifically associated with a particular relationship that you would lose by leaving it. Alternatives are, obviously enough, any other possible relationships you could pursue by leaving the one you're currently in. Investment is simply the time, effort and money you've put into a relationship. These things are all very important to how committed someone is in a relationship, and thus in turn how satisfied they are with the relationship.

This, I feel is a pretty accurate description for the basics of why people don't stay committed.

This is all getting a bit complicated isn't it? Yeah, I thought so, I told you love and relationships were. Let's go into something a little less complicated about it then shall we? Why do people fall for each other in the first place in general?

Okay, first of all there's the obvious one, physical attraction. The most obvious thing, and upon which many short lived relationships are formed.While some people may say physical attraction isn't important, they're fooling themselves.You cannot have a long lasting relationship with someone you are not attracted to, it just doesn't work well and will result in problems.

Another reason people become attracted to one another is something many people don't think about too often, propinquity, or physical proximity. Simply put, you can't fall for someone if you never have contact with them. Being exposed to a person over and over is part of this even. When you hang out with someone relatively often, feelings are going to start growing in one way or another, it's the mere exposure effect.

The final major reason for attraction between two people is similarity. Yes the old saying does indeed go "opposites attract", but in actuality it's relatively rare. More often than not couples are founded on similarity rather than complimentarity. It's easy to see why this is; people like people similar to themselves. Similar others help validate our own beliefs and views, they also have qualities like ourselves, qualities we like. Also, relationships between similar people often have smoother interactions because they can relate, so it's easy to see why people are attracted to people who are like them.

As much research and studies that can possibly be done, I don't think there will ever be a true and complete understanding of love. It's just too huge of a subject to get all the inns and outs of. There are just too many intricacies and too many variables between people to say that love and relationships are clearly based on anything as simple as just saying "it's just about compatibility and commitment". It's not that simple, nor will it ever be that simple. That's my two cents at least.

So what does all this mean? What great message am I trying to get across about love, relationships and romance?

I have no freaking idea. I'm still as lost as anybody on this whole love thing, and woman still confuse the hell out of me. All, I know is, I follow my heart...my blood; which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain all of the time... so I make a lot of mistakes, and a lot of wrong bloody calls, hopefully one day it'll pay off though and lead me right.

There's one thing I'm sure of though on this topic after all the years of my life, and that is that love definitely does exist, because I still feel it.

And with that thought, I shall leave you with a quote....a rather pessimistic one, but I think it fits.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

I like it

I cross out words till I have no ink
I don’t know what to say and think
A year’s charade begins to fade
I go to pour another drink

Is it okay to love you yet?
The last few days make me forget.
My part I’ll play another day
For now I need no safety net.

I love, respect, and pine for you.
Believe me please; it is true.
When I’m in bed you fill my head
With thoughts of things I wish to do.

But I know where your heart belongs
With him you’ll dance the slower songs
And you’re the girl for whom he longs.


If only you were uglier
Your hair and wardrobe scuzzier
Another guy would walk right by
But you’d still make me feel fuzzier.

But you’re the prettiest girl I know
When you pass by, your beauty melts the snow
It sucks for me, ’cause I can see
Your brilliant, funny, inner glow.

I know I said I liked you less
I was unhappy then, I confess
And all your words, like evil birds,
Had placed me in extreme duress.

But if I like you less than now
That might be better, you’ll allow
And in the end you’ll be my friend
If only I could figure how

So for the moment, you remain
My favorite girl to entertain
It isn’t fair but I don’t care
I only have your love to gain.

The point is that I understand
Those Summer days that no one planned
We both regret our words and yet
They’re far too late to countermand

So thus I don’t want to hear you say
Anything like “I'm sorry”, you know it’s okay.
My love I’ll hide back deep inside
To give to you another day